Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
