I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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