A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
