Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
