I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
