Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
