after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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