Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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