if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
