And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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