It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The air was thick with penises
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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