Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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