one word: firstdatebathroomanal
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
