There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
