she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
