just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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