I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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