omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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