tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
