I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
