Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
