i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize