he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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