i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
