u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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