when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
