fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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