haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
