With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
