i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
