she woke up with a sticky ear
love makes seman taste better
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
