It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
