I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
