you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
