just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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