dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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