Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
