no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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