did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
