Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
