last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
