my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
