you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
