I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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