My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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