someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize