How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
