So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we made out on top of his cat.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
