honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
bring money and cleavage
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
