True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
