Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When are your genitals available?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
God I need to hump something, right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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