I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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