the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
