Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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