apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
