Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize