I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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