The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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