I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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