just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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