my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
