If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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