Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
