I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
