I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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