the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize