Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
