First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We named our party play list daddy issues
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
