i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
