I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
